Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
