community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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