Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
