worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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