check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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