There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
