we have officially lost it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
