3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
