Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
