I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
