I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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