Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
