Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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