We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
