I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
