in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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