he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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