Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
