I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
