Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
