i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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