my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
