I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
