Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
