there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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