i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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