i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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