i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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