She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
