Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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