the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
