New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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