I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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