did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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