ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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