How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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