Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
