seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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