You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
