Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
