I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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