I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
