Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
