Your face is a jimmy john
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
