I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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