We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
