I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
