Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The adults are the big ones right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize