is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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