her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
